Long Time Coming...

     It has been a long time coming, and I even though there will always be a huge hole in my heart, I still feel so blessed to have known such an amazing, and beautiful woman. On April 21, 2011 is the day she died. My grandma died of cancer. It spread so much, that it took her over. She started with breast cancer, it turned into bone. She also had two other cancers. Now, most people are afraid of these things. But I wanted to tell you that before this all happened, I was a hypochondriac, and now I'm honestly not as afraid anymore.  I went through so many ups and downs. As most people do. If you are going through this now, or you have been, you know it is an emotional roller-coaster that never really stops. Sure, you go through the steps, and you may see a therapist, you may have to be medicated for a while. But you come to peace, and once that happens, and you'll feel it, you will feel so much better. I will always miss my grandma.

     When I first found out she was sick, I was angry. I was hurt. She didn't say anything, and she never got help. Some people are like that. And sometimes it is their way of going through something horrible. But I had to be medicated, and I was numb. Once I stopped the sedation, I felt things. And it was insane. I cried all the time. I ate a lot. I had dreams that she still had cancer but never died. I had the stages of grief. And I made sure I felt them all.

     When you go through grief, remember to always find someone to talk to and make sure to surround yourself with people sometimes. And find a hero. My grandma was always my hero. But I also found a celebrity hero, which is Sara Ramirez. She is on Grey's Anatomy. And she lost someone to cancer. And to hear her talk about it was inspiring. So Sara, if you ever read this, Thank You!!!

     

To be just like her.

     A lot of people ask when you're younger, "What would you like to be?" And I would always say a basketball player. That was my goal. And everyone told me to have a back up, because basketball might not work out. Of course they were right, and I now work as a vet assistant and also a CSC, which stands for client service coordinator. When in all actuality the best answer for that question is "the best." I would like to be the best at whatever I end up doing. Even if it is managing a McDonald's. But looking back at the woman my grandma was, I would like to say that I want to be just like her.

     You hear a lot of celebrities, and I say celebrity because they usually give a brief chat about someone that has inspired them, that has also passed on. You hear them say things like, "If I could be half the man," or "I want to be just like her." And it is so true. I would love to be even half the woman my grandma was. Strong, hard working, respected, and most importantly loved. She was a family person. She loved her whole family, and they came first. The family was all over, North Carolina, Virginia, West Virginia, Kentucky and St. Louis. Well Grandpa was more St. Louis. But family always came first for them. And that is something I strive for. Something that, since her death, is something that I have been working hard on making my number one. It can get difficult for adults, or people in high school, and the college years. You become very focused on making friends come first, and even partying becomes a first, for a lot of people. And when my grandma got sick, drinking was a first for me. But after she passed, I realized that alcohol was not the first thing that I wanted. It was her, and I wanted her back. So instead of having her back, I needed to make what made her her, become my first priority. And that has also made me a lot happier. I have made better choices. Family and work come first. Work is for the family, for the money to support the family.

     Sure grandma and grandpa had friends, and sure, they loved a good beer. But at the end of the day it was family that came first. Grandma was very knowledgeable in the news, and she would often call her sister Resa up to tell her the latest in the Washington Post. Or who killed who, or why you should drink Apple juice, because OJ can kill you. She would often talk to her sisters, her daughters, and often, while I was at work, she would call me to see when I was getting off, what was for dinner, what game was on, who won. And I miss that. When Rudy would come in to Banfield, she would call to check up on him. I made the mistake of taking him in on Mothers day, the one after she passed. That was not the best idea ever, and it hurt. But having that dog around has been comforting. He is definitely a great dog and one that I hold in high respect. 

Rudy

     As a family, we have always been huge animal lovers. In my life I've had birds, fish, and dogs. I grew up with a half husky, her name was Kayleigh, and then after she passed, we got a pug, his name is Rudy. At first, my grandma thought Pugs were the ugliest creatures on earth, maybe the closest thing to an alien that humans have actually seen. When my aunt Kelly got her pug, Sal, grandma at first thought she should have gotten a different breed. But soon enough my grandma grew attatched to that little guy. Grandma and me would sit and play Skippo, and Sal would sit down next to the table and wait till we moved. Once, I remember, we were playing Uno, and you know how long that game can take sometimes! Well we looked over at Sal, and he kept falling asleep sitting up, then he would start falling over, wake up, and then start to fall asleep again.

     After we put Kayleigh to sleep, and after 9/11, we went to go fetch a dog. Grandma wanted a pug. We looked first at a very old pug that had just lost its owner and was very depressed. That dog was sleeping the entire time we were there. And then we found Rudy. We named him after the mayor of New York, so his full name is, Sir Rudy G Johnston. It is seriously a perfect name for him. Rudy is a short, and cute, which is exactly what Rudy is. Rudy learned a lot from Sal. Sal probably thought he was nuts, even though he was neutered. But anyways, Grandma was in love with that dog. Rudy followed her all around the house, to the bathroom, to the laundry, outside, backyard, bed, and kitchen. She thought that was the cutest thing. And she always talked about how his ears would bop up and down during their walks. About how it looked like he was going to take flight. They were a team. That is one thing that Rudy is very much adored for, he took care of Grandma, during all of the ups and downs. She was truly happy with him. I would suggest a pug to anyone. Good with kids, adults, senior citizens. The whole nine yards, all they as for is to be loved, and fed.

Normal Family

     I wanted to take this time to say that even though I seem to be making a picture perfect family, we were still a normal family. We had our troubles, and even arguments. I use to make it a thing to hide my grandfather's TV remotes just to agitate him. But no matter how often we argued, or how often we irritated each other, we all always said "I Love You" by the end of the day. The arguments were normally about the TV. My grandpa loved Judges shows, and my Grandma hated them. But they always watched games together. That was their big thing. To watch North Carolina Tar Heels, and Washington Redskins. Golf, Tennis, and the Olympics, just to name a few. My grandparents were retired for a lot of my life, so they were home a lot. They both deserved happiness, and comfort. And even though, because of my grandpa's Alzheimer, it was difficult for my grandma. I thank God everyday for her, and to have known her. She was a strong woman, and always made it seem that everything was okay. She worked hard, even after her retirement. She worked so hard for me, to make me comfortable and happy, I'm grateful that I was there to help her out when she needed me the most. When she got sick, each of us took care of her. She did not have to worry about anything, and I'm so happy for that.

     We had a lot of happiness through sports, card games, food, the country, country music, news, stories. So many memories, and so much thanks. I can't believe all that I learned, I can't believe how lucky I am. I can't believe I was lucky to be a Johnston. My grandma was a respectable woman. She worked for the FBI for more than 30 years, had three children, had her beliefs but was not the type to share the world her beliefs. Which is something I have always admired. I don't like to talk about politics or religion with a lot of people. It is very rare to open that up. And it is because my grandma thought that, that was a main reason for so many fights, and she is completely right. I wouldn't even tell a close friend what I thought about politics or religion. Well, maybe a little, but it is rare. Grandma was also the type to look up to those who worked hard for what they got. For instance Dolly Parton. She grew up poor, and worked her way up to be the woman she is today. She made her mark, she sang beautiful songs, and earned her money. Grandma loved that. There are a very few, selected folk that made my grandma feel that way. Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, Bette Davis, ect. So another words singers and actors that made it big after starting off small. I'm a lot like that too. It is irriatiting when famous people use their money for unimportant things. Like building a garage for their thirty some cars.

     Not only was sports something grandma and I enjoyed watching together, but I remember Seinfeld, Wheel of Fortune, The Price is Right. She loved to read, she loved to play games. Card games, and she had these hand held games, Wheel Of Fortune and also a Poker game device. She loved her family. She loved to cook. She loved her garden. The birds, wildlife, the four seasons, and stories. She really knew how to tell a story. Which is something I truly miss.

My Favorite Things

     There are a million reasons why family is important. That you will always have a friend, someone to love and someone you trust forever. No matter what, family is there. I have a great family, and I would love to take a second to mention them:
Mom, Grandpa, Grandma, Aunt Kelly, Aunt Tracy, Cousins: James, Alex, Katy, and Andrew, Aunt Resa, Aunt Mary, Uncle Roy, Katy's mom and dad, and everyone else in the Thomas/Bowers/Johnston/Greene family. And also would love to shout out to my Godmom, or Aunt once removed: Becky Denston Abeling. :) She has been apart of my entire life, and even though I love her dearly, she and my mother are not allowed near my wedding... I'll get a restraining order, I swear ;) I'm Kitten by the way. But seriously, Becky is not allowed to say a word at my wedding.

     Springtime is near, and that excites me and makes my very hyper to say the least. I love springtime and then summer. The heat, the beach, the trips, and the fact that you can do just about anything outside makes it twenty times better. I'll be visiting my Godmom Becky at one point this summer, and I am very excited. It's always fun to go visit her and her husband. My Grandma loved Becky too, and Becky loved her, and also enjoyed very much, her potato salad ;) but then again, who didn't enjoy that heaven made dish? Becky is married and has a daughter that God gave her through adoption. They live in North Carolina near the beach. Please do not stalk her for a warrant will be called for your arrest. :)

     Summer is exciting for a number of reasons, but when grandma made her potato salad, sweet tea, pulled the windows open, besides the sneezing every twenty minutes, there was nothing better. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Also the fun times, and eating crabs are nothing better either.
 Me and my best friend from high school and even now, Conni, use to go on trips to see Kenny Chesney. We went all over, VA beach, Nashville (my personal favorite), and we even went to Indianapolis (Colts city). It was always fun. Always a great trip. I'll never forget one time going, when we went to VA beach, we actually went a few times. But anyways, we ended up staying at a cheaper hotel because the other hotels were all booked up because of the concert. Conni's Aunt Carol was a trip, always entertaining, but this trip made her a little nervous because the hotel was a little creepy looking. The first night was amazing, we heard a gun shot and screaming. Some guy was yelling that he didn't want to go back to jail. We laugh now because it was rather entertaining, but at the time, we freaked out so bad. I think I even jumped over to Conni's bed for comfort. The whole time I was thinking about Carol and wondering if she was okay. The next day she was saying that she the only thing she was thinking was about us. We always had so much fun together. Carol, Conni, Carless, and myself. Every trip was fun and memorable. The time we went to Nashville was amazing. We went out for walks around the town and ate at some amazing places. Took pictures with a flat board cut out of my woman Dolly Parton. And just had a wonderful time.
The best though was when we were coming back from one of our trips, I had to Pee SO BAD. And naturally we got stuck in traffic. Carol was laughing, Conni started up and then of course I was laughing uncontrollably because everything is 100 X funnier when you need to Pee. I tried to pee in a cup with a bag over the window. But I kept getting stage fright. I ended up waiting for the first exit and boy did I let loose. That was great, I was dying at the time because of how bad I had to go, but looking back and thinking about it, that was one reason out of a hundred, why I loved those trips. I'll always miss that. Carol and Carless had passed away a few years ago, but I'm positive that they are sitting and telling stories with my Grandma.
My Grandma was a huge fan of Conni, and loved her a lot. She was always asking me about her. Conni and I will always be close friends, and I'm grateful and happy for that. That's a kind of friendship that can go through anything and still be okay at the end. I love you Conni.

     Another thing that was always fun for me and Conni, well two things. We usually stopped by to get frozen custard on the way back. Always chocolate for me. And then the second was going back home after an amazing trip. I always got back with awesome stories for my Grandma to hear. She would laugh and ask questions. It was usually during a game of Uno or Skippo. Grandma drinking coke with ice, and I would either have the same or water. I miss that so much. The games, the talking, the laughing, the stories, the garden, her laugh, and her stories. 

Grandma's beginning

     Grandma came from North Carolina, in a little place called Walnut. She had three sisters and two brothers and then her father, who was a farmer, and her mom, the housewife. There was Aunt Mary, Aunt Peggy, Grandma (Eileen), Uncle Hurst, Uncle Russell, and Aunt Resa. They each played Basketball in high school. Grandma has a yearbook with herself, Aunt Mary and Aunt Peggy in the book. All three were on the high school team together. Aunt Peggy was in the book for having made the most points for the team. The number was really high was more than 400. For the boys section, the high was in the 200s. They did not have a car, and all of them had to walk to and from school everyday, and even for basketball games, their parents came to the games as well. They lived on a mountain, the school was down the mountain, and then their church was across from the school. They often got into mischief and there are a bunch of stories that my grandma, and her sisters shared.

     My Grandma and aunts onetime, were playing outside. Farmers would dig huge, deep holes in the farms grounds. I believe it was to hold water during rain so that the crops could stay hydrated. Well, the sisters were playing with a ball outside, and the ball fell into one of the holes. Each girl was very thin, and so they took my Aunt Mary, stuck her in a bag and put her down the hole, so she could retrieve the ball. She got stuck. All of them started screaming, and then a farmer near by came and helped them out.
     Once when my grandma was in elementary school, a boy in class had stood up and announced to the class that he had gotten new pants. He said "the pants are big at the bottom and small at the top," then my grandma said, without missing a beat "yeah and the thing in the middle goes flippity flop."
   
     When my Aunt Mary and Grandma graduated high school, they both moved to Washington DC, and started working at the FBI. They would save money to send back home, the Thomas family back home did not have a lot of money, and they wanted to help. They ended up buying the family a car and even a bathroom for the inside of the house. They had to live with an outhouse for a very long time.
 Aunt Mary ended up getting married and had stayed in Virginia for a while, and then her and her husband ended up moving to North Carolina. Grandma had married Grandpa, who she met at the church she started going to in VA. Grandpa was from St. Louis, they married in St. Louis so that my Grandpa's mom could be there. They came back to VA and started their life together. They had three girls, grandpa was a cab driver and then my grandma stayed with the FBI. Aunt Resa had stayed in North Carolina, but came for visits. 

Summers

     My summers at home were always very peaceful. Grandma enjoyed summer, she loved birds, she loved her garden. Our home was usually windows open, till the dead of heat came and then it was closed windows with the AC on. Mind you, we first had a husky who needed cool air, and then after 9/11 we got a pug. Which, if you know what a pug is, they need to be able to breath and heat is difficult. I love summer too. Warm air is nice to me. And the warm air always has a fresh feeling. Grandma always made her best meals around summer time too. I would be out of school and my summers were usually either going to Kings Dominion with a family with whom I was friends with all of the kids. But when I would go home, or if I stayed home all day, I was outside most of the time. Me and my grandpa would play softball with these plastic balls all the time. And then I learned that apples were more fun, till the bees started swarming around and then that was time to stop with that. My grandpa was my coach. I called him that a lot. He was my grandma's basketball coach in the church were they met. He would pitch and I would hit as hard as I could. My balls always ended up in our neighbors yard, which I'm sure he loved to pick up everyday.

     One summer, I was outside with my friend and we were playing football. I was wearing a redskins helmet and my friend threw the ball way over my head. We were in the backyard. My next door neighbor had two huge dogs that I knew and I absolutely loved them. Well that day, his rotty/pit bull mix bit me. I did not feel the bite, they say you lose feeling. The only thing I felt from the bite was what I thought a bug crawling down my arm. My friend came running at me full speed and asked if I was okay. I was like of course, what are you talking about. I looked down and had the scare of my life. Did not expect blood at all. I ran inside and my grandparents were like "what did you do!" I ended up going to urgent care and they cleaned me up and bandaged it, I felt pretty cool that year with a dog bite to show off. A few weeks later I went to a National Wildlife camp with my Aunt Kelly, who worked for them. The healing process itched but I made sure not to scratch at it. We had always joked that my neighbors dog bit me because I was wearing a redskin helmet and the owner was a cowboy fan.

     Grandma's best cooking was this magnificent thing called potato salad. Now mind you, she was from North Carolina and knew how to make the best of anything southern. Her potato salad was heaven. I'm pretty sure she makes potato salad all the time in heaven too. Everyone that tried it, loved it. For work, when I started, she made some for my coworkers too. I hope to perfect it as well as she did. She also loved to make deviled eggs. And so for the most part, my summers were chicken, potato salad, beans and rice, coke, and sweet tea. We would sometimes even go to North Carolina for a week, and her sister Mary made amazing sweet tea. There was nothing better. That is one thing I will miss every summer forever. I love North Carolina, I hope to live there someday. I feel closest to my grandma there, for she was a true southern woman. 

     She would always wear jeans, and that always had me questioning that, why during the hottest days of the year? I asked her once, and she told me of this time, when she was young, she was walking, I think on a dirty bridge. Her foot went through the bridge and she ended up with a huge scar down her leg. She still had the scar years and years after. She always told me to make sure to be careful. She taught me a lot and I enjoy that. I enjoy the things she taught me, something I can pass down to my children or friends children. Not that exact story, but a lot more.